


The Liquid of The Skull

by awstensnewwave



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Accidental wetting, Drinking, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Self Harm, Self Harm, Wetting, awsten has an 'accident' too, drunk, hello badparxfics if you're reading this lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24552625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awstensnewwave/pseuds/awstensnewwave
Summary: Feeling like he has completely fallen through rock-bottom, grabbing a glass skull with bright blue, sparkly, liquid inside and drinking said liquid is the only resort left for Awsten to feel somewhat distracted. Yet, obviously, it doesn't work - leaving Geoff in charge to help out.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	The Liquid of The Skull

**Author's Note:**

> tw for; alcohol, implied abuse, and vomit

Pain wasn’t even a good enough term to describe how Awsten was feeling currently.

What he was feeling wasn’t even close to ‘ _pain_ ’.

Physically, he was numb. Despite the sharp burning of the alcohol he was drinking, how the supposedly sweet taste of it, his brain managed to block it all out. He couldn’t feel the churning in his stomach as it struggled to deal with the copious amounts of poison that was being flushed through his system. The air was bitterly cold. It would be enough to send somebody into hypothermic shock. Yet he couldn’t feel _anything._

_Nothing._

Emotionally, he hadn’t the foggiest idea of what he was feeling. Sad, _yeah_? Drained, that was for sure. But it was so much more than feeling ‘sad’ and ‘drained’; the type of emotion coursing through his system made him want to, quite simply, stop existing. Not even to die, just stop existing. To just fall through the floorboards and never been seen, or heard, or spoken about again. He just wanted to be truly and utterly forgotten, both within the public as well as his own consciousness.

For the fifth time in the hour, he unscrewed the cap of the large glass skull bottle, flinging the lid onto the cold sand in which he was sitting upon, and brought the opening up to his lips. Again, the liquid burned and made the top section of his digestive tract go dry, but he couldn’t care less. He couldn’t even _feel_ anything!

_Why the fuck would he care?_

Awsten hated the idea of drinking. Growing up, all of his childhood friends got so easily addicted to the stuff. Multiple nights were spent holding their hair back as they vomited up their guts on the side of the road, out of taxi windows, and even on their own bodies. He hated the idea of such a thing happening to himself. His friends didn't care about the embarrassment that came with it, yet Awsten knew that if such a thing were to happen to him, he would feel shame for literal fucking weeks. Hell, _even months!_

So, due to such things, he just never drank. He never picked up a bottle. He never even tried the stuff out. For his entire life, he had been sober. Even with strong peer pressure that had mounted over the course of a _certain_ relationship, he never broke down and gave in. 

Until today.

However many hours ago it was, he really couldn’t remember, he went into the liquor section at his local store, picked up one of the coolest-looking skull bottles, paid for it, and drove out to the nearest beach to completely zone out and forget.

Forget everything.

Forget about the time just mere days ago where he walked into his bedroom to find the person whom he was supposed to love forever laying in bed with another human.

He just wanted to _forget._

_Forget._

**Forget.**

_**Forget.** _

Another swig.

The liquid inside of the bottle was blue-raspberry flavoured vodka, the sparkly azure colour representing that. It had a high alcoholic concentration, only meant to be used in shots or mixed in with some other, non-alcoholic, drink.

Yet here Awsten was, sitting on a random-ass beach, freezing his ass off, and glugging it down as if it was Gatorade after a show.

Through his emotional fog, he knew that he was going to soon regret what he was doing. Drinking something as strong as vodka straight out of its bottle was never a good thing, regardless of where you were.

Let alone on a random beach at night with no public transportation nearby.

A certain pressure was also beginning to build in his lower abdomen, which was never a good sign. Especially when he was, pretty much, drunk at this rate and had no idea of where the nearest bathroom was.

Tears started to slip out.

He was shocked he had any water left in his body to cry out. It felt as if he had spent the last three days doing nothing but sobbing uncontrollably. He had to break up with the person whom he loved the most in the world! Of course, he was going to fucking cry! That would be hard enough for anybody, let alone the end product of the type of relationship that they had! While it wasn’t abusive by any means, it was certainly toxic. And controlling, too. Very controlling.

The fact that the whole ‘walking in’ incident wasn’t the first time that something like that had happened with Awsten was also…Bad.

It was bad. There was no denying it. The whole relationship was just bad!

He downed another few mouthfuls. Remembering how many times his friends had told him, had begged him, even bribed him to break up and leave the damaging environment, was so fucking painful! The sheer amount of moments he had with those people were too many to count!

His brain was starting to give up physically numbing him; the burn of the alcohol was hurting, he could taste the saltiness of his tears, the ache in his stomach, and the rock-hard lump known as his bladder was far too hard to ignore.

“Awsten?”

“Wha-t?” Almost as soon as he spoke, he regretted it. His words were slurred, hard to get out, and he couldn’t even turn to face the direction that the sound was coming from. He knew who the voice came from, though. “Geoff?” He always would be able to recognise that voice, regardless of how much poison was in his system. “W-Where are you?”

“What the fuck happened? Dude, what the _fuck?_ ” Geoff hopped over the sea wall before gently sitting down next to his colourful haired friend. Up close, he could really see how…Fucked up he looked. It sounded harsh as all hell, but he was fucked up. Dark bags hung like deflating balloons underneath his eyes. His skin was pale, but nose and cheeks being bright red, with a unkempt mess of dark-brown facial hair running along his chin and upper lip. It was obvious that he hadn’t showered in a while judging from the grease that was running through his, now faded, purple locks. “Do you need to come back to mine? Well, to my hotel room?”

“W-Why did you…Why did you get a hotel room? Wh-Why are you even here-?”

“Cause you haven’t answered any calls or texts in the last three days?” Geoff replied. “Awsten, I was worried! Your parents are worried! Your sister is worried! Everybody is worried about you! They think you’re just…” He paused for a moment, to recollect his thoughts. He sighed, gently grabbing hold of Awsten’s hand and looking him in the eyes. “They think you’re dead.”

Silence.

Awsten didn’t know what he was supposed to say in response.

Of course, he didn’t want his family thinking he was _dead._ He didn’t want them to go through any emotional turmoil. That was the whole reason why he just wanted to disappear, not full-on die. He wanted to stop existing without the side effects of it all.

Yet.

According to Geoff, they were already thinking about stuff like that.

Another gulp. Why he was still continuing to drink, even when his friend was here, he felt sick, and he was desperate to piss, he had no idea.

His brain was so. Fucking. _Fucked. **Up.**_

“Well, I’m taking you back there, anyways. C’mon, do you need help up or anything?”

“No.”

“Cool. My car’s just-“

“No, Geoff-“

“What?”

“I’m not coming with you.”

“Uh, you are?”

“No. Not. If I wanna get wasted on a beach and die, _then so fucking be it!_ ” He snarled, purely raw anger started to rise up within his body. “I don’t give a _simple fuck_ about anything anymore, Geoff! It doesn’t matter! _Nothing matters!_ ” He rose up to his feet and shuffled to lean against the sea wall, taking another guzzle of alcohol. “She got rid of me, she left me out to rot! What’s the point in even bothering to exist when I-I’m no longer loving the person whom I trusted the most!”

In the midst of all his rage, the bottle slipped out from his flailing arms, landing with a thud on the concrete flooring of the pavement running next to the beach. It didn’t smash, but the blue liquid quickly fell out of the opening. Due to the small amount of liquid left behind, all of it was drained out within a matter of seconds.

And Awsten was…Sad about it.

His arms fell lifelessly to his sides as he watched the stuff run onto the dirty floor. No more alcohol, no more getting even drunker, no more doing the worst thing he possibly could, aside from drugs, to escape his problems. It was so fucked up. Normally the sight of alcohol being flushed away was something that brought ease to his life, not even more stress. 

Geoff took this opportunity of distraction to quickly scoop the boy off from the ground and start carrying him back to where his car was parked. He could see that Awsten’s own car was already parked a little further on, and while he was bound to get ticketed, Geoff knew that such a problem was so much less severe than the one going on now.

Awsten didn’t put up a fight at all. He made some uncomfortable noises but ultimately went along with everything going on. He remained silent as Geoff shoved him in the passenger seat and rolled down the window, only nodding when the older told him to vomit out from it if he felt nauseated at all.

*

After a ten-minute drive and half-carrying, _half-frog-marching_ journey through the hotel’s carpark, lobby, and lift, Geoff had finally been able to get Awsten to a safe place. Although he still looked rough as fuck, at least he was in the same room as him. Here, at least, he could keep a constant eye on him. Ensure that he wasn't going to do anything to hurt himself even further.

As Awsten went and sat down on the corner of the bed, Geoff quickly pulled his phone out and texted the group chat in which all of Awsten’s immediate family and close friends were in, telling them that he was, indeed, safe. He decided to leave out the finding him drunk part, for their own sanity. The last thing they needed was to start panicking over the thought that he had turned to booze to soothe his issues.

“Geoff, h-how did you…Find me? Like, how did you know I was on that beach?” He mumbled.

“You took me there one time? When you first moved out to Cali, and I visited you after a few weeks, you took me there and told me about how pretty the sunsets were. So…So that was, like, the third place I checked. After your home and the studio.”

Awsten wished that he never asked.

Sunsets. _Sunsets were another thing that was ruined for him now._

What else would be ruined thanks to that stupid relationship?

“Oh. Okay.”

“Hey, uh-“ Geoff went and sat down next to him, putting an arm around his shivering shoulders. “Do you want anything to eat? I can quickly run down to the corner shop and get you a few things if you want. Hey, when was the last time you actually _did_ eat? I-I know it sounds stupid but if there’s nothing in your stomach, then I wanna know, ‘cause that means the alcohol has gotten into your system faster-“

“Maybe I wa-wanted the alcohol in me faster.” Awsten crossed his arms and flopped onto his back. “I wanted to get drunk tonight! I just wanted to get fucking drunk! I wanted to forget my issues. I just…I just wanna forget! I wanna forget everything! I-I just...I just want more fucking alcohol. I can give you m-my fucking card, I-I don't care! Let me get more drunk! P-Please...?"

“You’re already drunk!” Geoff said as firmly as he could without completely snapping. He wanted to start screaming at him; tell him that being drunk wasn’t a good way to deal with his problems no matter how severe they were, yet doing such a thing was only bound to make it worse. “You’re already drunk, your mental state is so messed up at the minute that you don’t even realise it yet.” 

Awsten didn’t say anything in response. Instead, he shuffled further back onto the bed, rolled onto his side, and curled up within the sheets. He wanted to continue talking to Geoff, it did make him feel a little bit safer and calmer with everything that was ripping through his brain, but the energy needed to do such a thing just wasn’t there anymore.

His body was beginning to really hurt. His brain had truly given up on physically numbing him anymore. His stomach felt as if it had been torn open, his throat and mouth felt dry and scratchy, his arms felt sore from the cold, and he still really had to piss. Yet it wasn’t like he could stand up and make his own way into the bathroom as, even with his head resting and not being raised, the entire room was spinning at a thousand miles an hour.

Fuck. This wasn’t good. None of this was good!

_Why didn’t he just end shit sooner with her?_

_Why? Why? Why?_

Awsten wanted to cry again.

He wanted to _cry so much._

But no matter how hard he tried; nothing was coming out. His eyes were dry as hell.

_Looks like he had finally used up all the water in his body._

He just laid there, eyes closed, ears listening to the small movements that Geoff was making, completely relaxed aside from the muscles around his bladder clenching to stop him from utterly humiliating himself.

Nausea started to rise up within him. A familiar stomach-tingle was growing, a sign that he was near to hurling up chunks. 

It wasn't good. 

He didn't feel good. 

The nervousness about the fact that, if he were to throw up, then due to the lack of food in his system, all the vomit would just be a foul mixture of the undigested alcohol and bile.

Geoff was starting to notice a grumbling sound coming from Awsten’s body. When he glanced away from his phone and down at the younger, he noticed that beads of sweat were starting to drip down his face, which had also drastically paled over the course of the ten minutes that the two had spent in the room.

“Aws…? Are you…Gonna vom-“

He didn’t need to even finish his sentence. Within a matter of seconds, Geoff had lifted Awsten off from the bed, sprinted into the bathroom, kneeled him next to the toilet and gently ran his fingers through his hair as he started throwing up all the contents of his stomach.

Vomiting up alcohol was probably the _worst thing_ to puke. 

While it burned while initially swallowing it, throwing it back up with a bunch of stomach acid to go alongside it was a _fuck ton_ more painful. His oesophagus went dry, his skin went clammy, his vision blurred, and all the excruciating pain his body was screaming out in was pushing him near the edge of a fainting episode. 

It wasn’t that much of a shock that, by this point, he had _pissed himself too._ The warmness spread hastily over his crotch and legs – adding a fun extra element of utter shame to everything. 

While physically relieving, it only made him want to crawl into a hole even more.

This was his worst nightmare come true.

"I'm sorry-I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to go-to vomit! T-To go p-pee on the floor! I didn't-!" 

He had a weak bladder, there was no denying that. There had been, albeit a few, times where he had just had 'accidents' where he thought he could've held stuff in for longer, when he really couldn't. During long car journeys, he and his family had as a kid he would always pretend to be asleep whenever they pulled up at a Gas Station to avoid using the gross bathrooms. Yet, most of the time, only thirty minutes later he would be writhing around in the backseat, breathing heavily and trying not to cry as he did everything he could to avoid completely wetting himself. 

Of course, that rarely worked. 

Pissing himself in the back of his Mom's car only needed to happen three times before she physically dragged him into the bathrooms every time they pulled over.

And that was just experiences as a kid. 

Similar stuff happened when the band first started touring - he avoided using the Gas Stations bathrooms, but instead of soiling himself while in the actual van, he would just have to end up pissing into a bottle or, even worse, a fucking soda can.

But now he felt like a child again. A fucking baby. He had peed his fucking pants, there were stains and a yellow puddle to prove it, all in front of his best friend. 

The shame was unimaginable. 

"Shh, it's okay buddy, don't cry, it's fine. I think we better get you cleaned up, huh? Would you be okay with that?” 

Awsten simply nodded. He didn’t want to speak anymore. A concoction of embarrassment from the accident, the pain from the vomiting, plus the feeling of being drunk for the first time in his life, the last thing he wanted to do was talk to anyone. 

And he continued staying silent as Geoff gently shut the lid of the toilet, flushed, and gently pushed him across the linoleum floor to sit next to the shower. His skin felt…so dirty. So gross and unwashed. His hair suddenly felt a thousand times greasier. Everything felt outright fucking disgusting.

He wished that he had left her sooner. He knew that if he left a few years ago, back when all the cheating started, that he wouldn’t currently be sitting on a random hotel floor, alcohol raging throughout his system, throat burning from vomiting and his pants feeling damp from literal piss that he couldn’t hold in for a few more minutes.

“Is it okay if I undress you?” Geoff asked. Again, Awsten nodded. He lifted his arms up to let his friend take off the stained shirt, as well as lifted his butt off the floor a few inches to allow him to slip off his, soaked, skinny jeans. “Uh, can-can i-?” His finger gently pinched at the waistband of his boxers. Although this time round there was a lot more hesitation involved, Awsten still nodded. He closed his eyes tightly as he felt Geoff slip the last remaining bit of clothing off his body, leaving him completely exposed to the elements.

He didn’t want to look down at himself.

His eyes were still closed.

They were shut so tightly that he was starting to see patterns behind his eyelids.

He didn’t have to use his eyes to see that Geoff had a look of disappointment on his face.

Awsten only struggled with self-harm when he was a teenager. It came. And then it went away again. But over the last four days, that thing was starting to come back around once more.

It made him feel gross. Bad. Guilty. But it also made him feel relieved, even if it was for a few short moments. Seeing…Everything that came along with such things.

There were only scabs, no scars, right now. It was obvious what had happened.

“Right. Arms up-“ Geoff was shocked at what he saw, the fresh scabs littering his friend's thighs, but he had to stay strong for him. There was no point in crying about it – all he could do was hide everything sharp and hope that he didn’t do something like that again. “There we go-“ He pulled the hem of the sweater down, before grabbing the pair of sweatpants and beginning to slide them on, as well. “Alright, there we go…D-Do you wanna be carried back to bed? Or walk?”

“Walk.”

*

Some moments later, both Geoff and Awsten were laying down, side-by-side, in the hotels double bed. It was cramped, the mattress was way too hard to be comfortable, but…It still felt nice. It felt safe and secure.

Awsten still wasn’t saying much. Although he knew that he was going to spill every single detail on what had happened to him to Geoff by this time tomorrow, right now he was focused on how calm he felt. His stomach didn’t hurt from anxiety, his chest wasn’t racing, and the cogs in his brain had slowed down enough to allow him to not dissociate from his surroundings.

She had hurt him. Bad. It had come to a point where he felt as if his only option was to make himself drunk as fuck on a public beach. But at least it was going to be the last time she did such a thing. They were broken up now. Over. _Gone._

There would still be pain.

But not pain from a dumbass relationship. 


End file.
